I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
