my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
