i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize