Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She's the barista slut.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
