the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
