Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
