You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
