I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
