Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
