I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
