I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
