Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
