We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
