I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
