There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
