why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
