Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
