I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
