He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
