guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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