We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
