It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
that is very illegal...i love you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
