sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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