I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize