those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
