Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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