I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
