This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Randomize