Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
