woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize