First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
