My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
