he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
