Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
