He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
