Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
