I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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