So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
