Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
