***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
