Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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