I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
