I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
