hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
