What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
