yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
