please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
