But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
