I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
