dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
