You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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