Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
