I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
