you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
