cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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