Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
