I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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