No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
