I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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