bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
