does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
