Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
