Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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