I love black thongs
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
