so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Welp...herpes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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