Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She's the barista slut.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
