Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
