Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
