heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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