Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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