Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
