Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
