I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
