Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
