I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
