But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
