you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
