but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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