Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
