Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
