I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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